You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know (Until Someone Tells You)

A simple image with a quote popped up in my LinkedIn feed that stopped me mid-scroll. It wasn’t flashy—it was honest. It was this: "Tell my mistakes to me, not to others, because my mistakes are to be corrected by me, not others." It reminded me how easy it is to talk about people instead of to them. I had a recent experience that tested this very idea.

The Temptation to Vent We’ve all been there. We've all done it. Something rubs us the wrong way, feels off, someone misses the mark, and instead of addressing it directly, we air our frustrations to someone else. It feels easier. Safer. Less confrontational. But it doesn’t build bridges—it builds walls. It doesn't help that person grow. It doesn't strengthen the relationship. It doesn't build trust.

Personal Story: My Unexpected Salon Journey After nearly 15 years with the same hairstylist, I recently tried someone new. The consultation was great—I felt heard, hopeful, and excited. Two hours and nearly $200 later, I was spun around in the chair to see the final reveal. The color blending? Better—still not quite what I envisioned, but progress. But the cut? That missed the mark. She said one inch—she took four or five. It sat on my head like a helmet. And when she asked what I thought, I didn’t say much. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.

So I left, hopeful that maybe a wash and restyle would fix it. But after a week of trying… I was still unhappy.

Now, I care deeply about supporting small businesses. And in that moment, I had a choice: talk about the experience to others, or talk directly to the salon. I chose the second. I called, shared my experience gently and honestly, and they didn’t get defensive—they leaned in. They invited me back the next morning and reworked the cut, at no charge. It’s shorter than I’d like, but it’s workable—and more importantly, I gave them a chance to make it right.

A Better Way Forward That experience taught me something I already believed in: respectful feedback isn’t a confrontation—it’s a gift. People can’t fix what they don’t know they messed up. And sometimes, the kindest thing we can do is speak up with grace.

If we want change, clarity, and connection, we have to be courageous enough to say, “Hey, here’s how that landed for me.” Because the truth is: You don’t know what you don’t know, and you can’t fix what you don’t realize you messed up.

Why This Matters Whether in business or everyday life, direct communication builds stronger relationships. It nurtures trust, fosters learning, and encourages growth—not just for the person hearing it, but for the person brave enough to say it.

Whether it’s family, business partners, team members, or friends—authentic relationships thrive on direct, respectful communication. Not because it’s comfortable, but because it’s transformative.

Bringing It to the Gravy Table This story is also finding its way into an upcoming episode of Life With a Chance of Gravy!—where we’ll dish out the art of honest conversations and how they can transform everything from customer service to friendships. Because awkward conversations deserve air-time, too. Let’s talk about how we can add more honesty to our relationships, without losing warmth or compassion.

So here's my nudge for today: Before you vent, pause. Ask yourself if the person deserves a chance to hear your truth—and maybe, fix what went wrong. If someone hurt you or misunderstood you, try telling them. Not to call them out—but to call them in.